Topless 61-year-old woman attacks cops with meat cleaver!!!

This might be the most terrifying story I’ve ever heard since it involves not only someone coming at Portland police with a meat cleaver, but a topless elderly woman wielding the instrument. Halloween has come early.

Police arrived to check on 61-year-old Phyllis Lasich after receiving reports from neighbors that the woman had been acting very strange, reportedly “outside the apartment completely naked and shouting nonsense.”

When police arrived, they heard a loud crashing noise within the apartment, only to be greeted by Lasich wielding a meat clever and yelling that she was going to kill the officers.

The officer most threatened by Lasich drew his weapon while another pointed a taser at her, but the woman refused to drop the knife.

Lasich swung the meat cleaver at them before eventually lying down on the ground and going with the officers’ commands. She then told officers, “Thank God you are here! They’ve been coming to kill me all day!”

You’ve got admire the police officers for their courage in the face of such a crazy situation. I’m not a police officer and if any 61-year-old topless woman approached me, I’d probably run away screaming in horror. She wouldn’t even have to be wielding a meat cleaver. Her saggy breasts, withered ovaries, and dashed dreams are more than enough of a weapon to keep me at bay.

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